I grew up as your standard church kid. I went every weekend, I attended Sunday school, I knew all the answers. Every month I would see my parents take communion, and I began to ask questions. My mom asked me what I knew about Jesus, so I gave her the answers I had memorized in my Sunday school class. And when I was in third or fourth grade I decided to 'give my heart to Christ'.
I spent the next couple of years after that just going through the motions. I went to church, but my heart wasn't in it and I didn't really participate in the conversations and life groups that were offered. I was the perfect child at church, but when I went home I forgot everything I had just learned.
My lack of a connection with God led me down a dark path. But here's the real kicker, the entire time I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I still did it anyway. I believed that because I had gotten baptized that I could sin all I wanted, as long as I tried to act like Jesus around other Christians. I started to disobey my parents, distancing myself even further from the word, I even began to read about impure things, and I enjoyed it.
For a while, this seemed to be like the right path, I was enjoying myself and I thought that I would still be able to get to Heaven. And then I started to go to FCA (fellowship of Christian athletes) at my school. I began to go to all the fun Youth group activities with my friends, and that's when I realized that all this darkness I was living with was not right.
As I became more aware of these mistakes, I slowly crawled into myself. I was scared and felt alone. I didn't share with anyone what I was going through, because I thought that they would look down on me. I didn't know what to do, so instead of fixing it, I build up walls and put on a mask of happiness, even though I felt like I was drowning.
Then in February of 8th grade, our annual local youth discipleship camp rolled around, at this point I had been a self-proclaimed 'Christian'. At this point, I was at the peak of my depression. I'd put up so many walls, that I didn't know who I was anymore. I was a different person to everyone, and I didn't know who the real me was.
Then one night as we were sitting in our small groups, I came across a verse that shocked me. This verse was James 2:19 which states "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that-and shudder."
This verse had made me realize that I wasn't living the life Jesus wanted me to live, I was living just like the demons. I believed, but that didn't make me a righteous person, because I wasn't living out those beliefs.
That night I talked with my pastor, and after a long talk and prayer, I finally gave my heart to Christ for the first time.
Since then my life has been so much greater than before. Sure there have been some rocky twists and turns, but I always came back to God. And when I start to feel myself sink, I just remember how terrible that depression had felt. How that conviction of knowing how disappointed God should have been of me had brought me to tears.
Now I run this account with my best friend, trying to share that love and hope that God has placed in my life. Letting Him lead me out of my darkness and into the light. Though I'm still not perfect, I now know that I can always go to God for help. And my personal mission is that I can let other people know this as well, that whatever conviction you feel in your heart God will help you.
Hope you all have a great day! Jesus loves you!